1- First time ever
I remember my first experience of sexual pleasure by other’s hands with absolute clarity (which is not surprising, since everybody tends to remember well things alike).
It began quite directly, with a cold hand on my penis, fingers inspecting it and soon stroking it, while I was coming out of sleep. I suppose I was already erect while sleeping, like many other mornings, and the younger friend that shared bed with me that day, noticed it and felt like touching me and experiment. I had been playing with myself since more than a year ago, but never before I had had my penis so hard and sensitive, and never, the unspeakable sensation I was feeling –nothing to do with my own masturbations.
I was amazed and, for a brief instant, I was going to take that hand away and perhaps to protest, but my body took the command and, so, I stayed quietly receptive and, after a while, I extended my legs and put them somewhat apart, so my companion could move his hand better and easier. He was at my back, facing it; his right arm over my hip and belly. I could feel clearly his breath just between my shoulders, and I noticed his nervousness: he panted a little and, from time to time, made some faint moans. I was so concentrated on his activity upon me that I never thought of finding whether he was simultaneously masturbating himself; not even if he was hard too.
When I was approaching the climax, and my penis throbbed and hurt of sheer hardness, he released it and began to shyly caress my scrotum and then, more firmly, my thighs and my right buttock. I took his hand and returned it to the right place. He continued a short while, but not enough; his fingers failed to stroke me properly and then retreated, as if he felt somewhat scared of my evident excitation, my shivering and sprightly movements.
I had to finish by myself, with some disappointment, but while I began to come off, I was firmly hugged; hands grasping my waist; there was a faster breathing (just as my own stopped) and a small moistened semi-hard thing (not much bigger than a thumb) sliding clumsily over and between my buttocks –not deep and not really close to my butt–, and I felt a relatively fresh wetness there, and then two o three small gushes against the back of my thighs.
My companion said: “Pardon me”, with some anxiety, and then kissed once the back of my shoulder and stayed stuck there, holding me tight for a while.
I do not recall if I answered anything, and if so, what could it be. I was a bit overwhelmed by many thoughts and some strange, very varied, feelings; but one thing predominated: wellness. I felt also a confused warmth toward my friend, which I could only express being quite and still and pressing my body backwards against his. Also I felt the smell of both our bodies (a bit from our sweat and, mainly, another one unknown to me –that, much later, I knew was the smell of oxytocin).
I barely knew anything about sex back then, just that my penis grew, got hard and spurted sperm when I stroked it, and sometimes leaked spontaneously, after growing erect by itself (I was several months over thirteen at the time, and not as informed as today’s teens). Anyway, I was very surprised that my companion, who was just a kiddo about eleven years old could get horny and cum as well as me, and even much more surprised that he had the decision to touch me the way he did and –almost– make me cum.
We were feeling some kind of embarrassment or shame, because we did not speak a word of our petting during many hours, perhaps more than a day, perhaps two… (until we did it again, and then we did it more openly, mutually, facing each other, and commented a little about it at the end). About our very first double cumming, I just feared what would happen when the housewife who was going to make our bed would notice the obvious stains on the sheet… Luckily, all the cum from my buddy ended over my skin and dried there before I woke up later on to pee, so there were no stains from that side of the bed… That woman did not ever say a word, anyway; but when night came, I found that the sheet had been changed.
It was spring and we were both away from home in a sort of vacation. My younger friend and I slept in the same room, in a very big bed, in which we seldom met –except for some kicks he gave while fast sleeping a few times.
As far as I was told the following days, he had seen another older boy masturbating, and out of great awe and curiosity he tried it himself, but in vain. Somehow, that morning near me, he noticed my spontaneous erection and tried with my penis (now not in vain!). Once informed of this, I did the same with him; he said he felt pleasure and other sensations he liked much, but he did not become truly erect –only bigger–; he leaked anyway; but another day, after a decided and fast stroking by me, he really ejaculated again for the second time in his life, and quite so! He was beaming and –this happened for the first time– kissed me in the mouth.
During the weeks we were in that place, far from our homes, he made me come almost every morning; often he asked me to do the same with him (which was not as easy 🙂 ), and we both learnt to do it very well and very caringly. (Of course, we also took much care of not wetting the sheets anymore.)
2- Last post for some uncertain time
It is not by chance that this post works as well as a temporarily farewell.
I am having a very bad time, somehow related in several ways with my past; especially, my teenage. I broke with my last mate many months ago already and I have been living alone since then; I have become heavily addicted to the Internet (through the computer and also the phone); I have some other addictions, like tobacco, and sex –or better said: to the endorphins I generate when having sexual pleasure–; I have very serious financial issues and a desperate need to find a regular income beyond the occasional jobs I do now; I am psychologically unwell and I need time to concentrate on healing and on finding a good job again. As I have been spending between 5 and 7 hours a day online these last two years (sometimes more, up to 10), I must break this unhealthy and depleting behaviour, and the only effective way I can think of is disconnecting from the WWW (at least, most days). Furthermore, talking about me, my sex life and my gender concerns does not help me now.
These morning whiles at bed; maybe half an hour or little more; spent abroad with a sweet younger friend, have haunted all my life for good and for bad. I ignore where he is now, but I do know perfectly that I need to find again a truly loving companion like he was, and a little voice says to me deep inside that I won’t find it in the cyberspace, but in the streets or fields of my sorroundings, in an everyday life that I have mostly left aside since too long ago; that in fact I do not live now anymore.
Still, thirty years later, I miss that peculiar person’s warmth close to me in the bed every night and every morning. Since I cannot find him again (I surely cannot), I must try to find someone just as innocent, lovely and sweet-hearted as he was (but of course, much older! :)) More than me, if possible, because I have changed, and now I need basically someone who takes the lead and most of the control in sex as well as in many other aspects of life).
I will meet again several of you (the ones I can call friends) as soon as I feel better and able to come back to the Internet with some inner safety I do lack now.
P.S. : Maybe I will leave some sheduled posts to be authomatically published in following days, since they are already written. Also I will check my emailboxes once or twice a week
Lixie — May 1st, 2018
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